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fun, fun da mental, Humour, it's long but by gum it's thin, never mind the, shlang a lang, short but shweet, slang, Words
Or rather a continuation of the examination and translation of slang, both past and present from the United Kingdom.
Those of you reading purposefully will all be lovers of wordage; to those who have arrived by chance and care not for such jibber I say take a pew, rest your laurels (and hardly), loiter without intent or with a pop up festival tent, whichever takes your fancy. – Esme swiftly ties all such folk to wooden chairs and pops a tiger lily bloom behind their right ear.
Have at this my dears:
I gave ‘im a knuckle sandwich – translation – I gave that chap a punch in the jaw.
Unmentionables – translation – Knickers, bras and other such sundries which these days are not only mentioned but also worn as reasonable garb when popping to the supermarket for a loaf of bread. – ‘Did you find her passport? Yes in was in her drawers which were stuffed with unmentionables.’
Cheeky piece! – translation – You’re rude… but I like it.
Cheers ears – translation – ‘Thank you very much, I am honoured.’
It boils my piss- ‘It rather annoys me.’
Do one – ‘Be gone foul creature of the night’.
Got the dick – translation – ‘This computer has got the dick, it isn’t working’ also covers health-‘ Joan has got the dick badly, she’s been in bed with it for a week’.
Face like a….dog licking piss off a nettle, slapped arse, wrestler’s elbow. Also see – face like he’s been chasing parked cars and face only a mother could love – translation – Not as terribly attractive as that which is considered the norm. (Norm is all chuffed with himself about this and can barely leave himself alone).
Proper munter – translation – see ‘Face like a’ above.
Got a monk on. – translation – Angry. ‘Mabel’s got a monk on because I shoved my face in her freshly baked Victoria Sandwich cake.’
Looks like dog’s dick and lettuce -‘ I don’t fancy eating that thank you’
Feel free to join in. More shall appear in time, but which time I know not.
unties the two passers by and keep them sweet with a bag of sticky buns and front row tickets each to a Tina Turner tribute show
Esme's Cloud 
I’d rather show me arse in Burtons’ window
You’re as tight as a fish’s arse
I’m as full as Tom Jones’ underpants
More change of that happening than the hole in me arse healing up
He’s got a face like a slapped arse
I’m flipping my lid
Be on it like a tramp on chips
Misery is dripping of her face
Teeth are swimming in me mouth
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These have had me laughing me so much
‘I’d rather show me arse in Burtons’ window’ – Hahahahahahahahaha
I’ll see your tight as a fish’s arse and raise you a tight as a gnat’s chuff
‘I’m as full as Tom Jones’ underpants’ – brand new to me and very funny.
‘More chance of that happening than the hole in me arse healing up’ – Hahahahahahaha
‘He’s got a face like a slapped arse’ – This is a daily uttering upon the Cloud (usually aimed at the tv) and I can’t believe I forgot it.
‘I’m flipping my lid’ – ‘I’ve lost it’
‘Be on it like a tramp on chips’ – Hahahahahahaha, made me laugh the most I’m afraid, brand new as well for Esme.
‘Misery is dripping of her face’ – This would be great in a poem – nicks it
‘Teeth are swimming in me mouth‘ – Brilliant.
Thank you Poetpas, something tells me I can see your gaff from the Cloud’s windows.
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Glad you like it. These are all things my girlfriend says on occasion. I made a list of her sayings and yes they are dead funneh (as they say in Manc) Thanks for liking them. Yours made me laugh as well. Funny!
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Good! We need laughter especially with the apocalypse going on and I’ll go to the foot of our stairs if that’s not true.
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Yes we do need laughter, wit and silliness. Thank thee 🙏
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This is quite entertaining 🤣
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We do our best to please here on the Cloud Mak.
Hahahahahahaha.
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You do very well
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Kick him into touch – Welsh saying – break up with the fellow
I remember this confusing some girls I worked with at The Salisbury Ale House back in sunny Manchester.
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That’s travelled north some as I know it well too. It’s reminded me of a time long ago, being with a boyfriend and whenever we were out at a pub or the like and another bloke would walk towards us, looking my way, giving me the eye, said boyfriend would say ‘Jog on mate, jog on’ thumbing the air, face like thunder. Cracked me up then, cracks me up now. I say it to the dog when she looks at the settee instead of her bed when it’s night time – falls about
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I’m wiping laughy tears from my vision dumplings ( a term I invented – meaning EYES, in case of any confuzzlement [ confusion] ) !
“it boils my piss” is one I hadn’t heard, and the same goes for “Looks like dog’s dick and lettuce”. (dear Glob, that one’s hilarious! Can’t wait for an opportunity to use it….* searches for inedible looking meals* ). But I also snickered like a 14 year old boy at: ‘ Joan has got the dick badly, she’s been in bed with it for a week’. Teeheeeheeehee! Hooray for wordage!
Have you by any chance read Max Décharné’s “Vulgar Tongues”? ( Not to be confused with the Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue). You probably have, but if not, I highly recommend it. It’s not as funny as this post but it is very interesting ( and actually at times funny) because it’s about the history of English slang and swear words. Your post here makes me think I should read it again….although I’ve just ordered some books about mushrooms…and additionally have just got my hot little hands on David Mitchell’s “Ghostwritten”, which I’ve been wanting to read for yonks.
Anyway, thankyou for giving me a good laugh 😀 . It’s 2:30am here, so I should go to bed, happy that I’ve learnt a few new funny things to say 🙂
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Max Décharné’s “Vulgar Tongues” – I’ve just bought it, sounds so far up my alley it’s coming out of my ears, thank you for the recommendation!
The first time I heard someone say “Looks like dog’s dick and lettuce” I cried laughing, it just stuck with me, I would find myself laughing at all hours suddenly recalling it. It’s traditionally aimed at a salad dish, but technicalities aside can be said about any culinary offering. The host needs to have a very good sense of humour mind.
You’ll love Ghostwritten, I could do with reading it again myself it’s been so long, I’ll have to see if my brain is up for it – pokes a pencil in her ear to see if anything grabs it
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Yay! 😀 You will definitely get a kick out of it; it’s really well written as well as being just plain interesting. ( Also, I’m telling you right now that I’ll be nicking ” so far up my alley it’s coming out of my ears”. I’m having a good laugh here. Maybe I’ll use it when apologising to some future dinner host : ” Sorry for saying the food looks like “dog’s dick and lettuce”. I was just joking. It does, in fact look like the kind of food that’s so far up my alley it’s coming out of my ears!”. I’ll probably be thrown out by then for being vulgar, but hey- life is for living!)
Yes, I think I’d be shocked to the core if I read something by David Mitchell that I didn’t love. prays to the book gods that this day never comes! . For some reason though, I’m delaying reading it in favour of a book about DMT entity encounters. (it’s fascinating, btw, but it’s like I’m waiting for a time where I can just savour Ghostwritten properly without too many interruptions. I do think some books require different mindsets and moods. *takes pencil off you and wraps cotton wool around the sharp end for health and safety reasons before giving it back *
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DMT. I had to look it up, wild stuff and yes, really interesting, if you have any links to articles on it I’m interested.
Thank you for saving my buhrain beams
Esme Cloud seeing plenty but always keen to see that bit more of the universe
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When you gave me bollocks, did you not lose your rights to them?
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No, only limited edition specific bollocks rights, so think on and shush about it or everyone will want a bloody pair.
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Actually, reading your question back, it sounds like Esme is a god who hands out bollocks to the bollockless, so that’s all good and proper – nods and looks benevolent shaking a bag of them
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I also have questions about Joan. I think I’ve met Joan!
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Joan? Do you mean João-Maria the wondrous writer? Or Joan Crawford? Because if it’s Joan Crawford we have to get the elephant tranquilliser out again. I may have lost some memory capability though too.
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I mean your Joan: ‘ Joan has got the dick badly, she’s been in bed with it for a week’
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I see. It’s even funnier from you, I should hire you to read all my translations.
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I wouldn’t say the D word unless it was regarding Mr. Van Dyke! 😛
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Then you’ll never have the pleasure of ordering Spotted Dick Pudding. This is a good thing as it’s a bloody awful business – beams
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Dicky is fine, especially if it’s Greenleaf!
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It works the other way around, too. In the UK, to knock somebody up means to knock on their door to wake them up so they won’t be late for something. It used to sometimes happen that American women visiting there would be startled when the innkeeper asked “would you like me to knock you up tomorrow morning?”
Peter Cook, the British actor, once told the story of the first time he visited the US and was interviewed on US TV. The subject of US anti-smoking rules (much stricter than British rules at the time) came up, and Cook observed, “I’m sorry, I’m just not happy unless I’ve got a fag in my mouth.” He didn’t understand why a sudden stunned silence descended. In the UK, a “fag” just means a cigarette.
These kinds of errors are much less common now, since most British people are more familiar with US slang.
For a true wealth of picturesque expressions, see Australia.
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Yes it’s interesting how many variations on the same words can be interpreted; I have a friend in Oregon I write to, and he was most distressed when I would say I was shattered, because he said to him that means something along the lines of having a mental breakdown, whereas to me it means very tired. The word ‘fag’ isn’t used for cigarettes or otherwise much these days here, it was big until the 2000s though I’d say. No matter how things are phrased, there’s often a common thread of humour that connects us the world over though.
-Esme Cloud waving at Infidel and his army of readers who visit for a spot of tiffin once a month
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Funny as a three-legged dog in a horse race. 🙂
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The dog begs to differ – falls about – Thank you Masodo, lovely to see you round these parts again.
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Hey Esme, miss youRR BLOG. I hope you’re all right, just I am so important in mental health these days I’ve had to destroy my entire literary past and set the world to private. Ya, I’m kind of the chief wigwam these days, you probably won’t understand so much, my words are written in boss-speak – like Linkedin?
See you soon, I’ll re-launch my old blogstyle pooch-pants/fashion page when I get a 2-weeker , y’know, very stressful my importance.
Best
Matthieu
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Mattrews, about time, how I have missed our dance afternoons.
Your importance cannot be breached nor instated, it is parliamentary begoggled as well anyone in the know would know. I look forward to your unveiling.
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Language…warts and all. 😀
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Indeed.
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-cough- she really should stop picking her nose….
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