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Before you criticize people you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them you're a mile away. And you have their shoes. ~ JK Lambert, From my close observation of writers... they fall into two groups: 1) those who bleed copiously and visibly at any bad review and 2) those who bleed copiously and secretly at any bad review. - Isaac A, I cried all the way to the bank. ~ Liberace (when asked whether he minded being criticized), I have always been very fond of them (critics) . . . I think it is so frightfully clever of them to go night after night to the theatre and know so little about it. ~ Noel Coward, That's the charge Any criticism starts To loom too large Caution to the winds, This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. ~ Dorothy Parker, Words can sting like anything but silence breaks the heart. ~ Phyllis McGinley, Writing
Taking criticism is much like undergoing an enema — rarely a happily received procedure — only worse, as the resultant is less the egest, rather more the ingest, of ordure. One must appreciate that if one publishes on a public forum — fiction and poetry being the equals of religion and politics in this respect — one shall have to take the forthcoming arrows to the heart and soul as graciously as one may find it possible to muster. Call the critics every obscene and foul moniker under, to one side, and beyond the sun in private; go wild, make effigies then stick pins doused in vinegar into them with venomous voodoo vim, but do not tell them they are wrong. Nor, incidentally, ought one, being duly piqued, send in the post remnants of one’s enema to said detractors, for this act indubitably fails to achieve the level of grace ideally required. One cannot tell others how to receive one’s work. Those who were critical in the first place will be moreso if one responds ungraciously, frowning in perpetuum upon the matter and generally being severely narked off. Try to take something from the experience as though a gift; re-examine your letters, channel your angst and pique into the next piece you write, and make of it your most perfectly crafted, finest opus yet. Then kill them.
Personally, I’ve never had an enema, so I wouldn’t know. Further, nor do I fancy having an enema; though I may not well know what I’m missing.
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The Cloud now provides what are expected, in time, to be infamous Enema and Shoe-shine parties. I can be at your house with a bucket, a hosepipe and a ton of tickertape in around four hours or so.
Reduced rates for cloudsters slow wink
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Esme, “Then kill them” is rather a final solution don’t you think? Could keep readership down for sure.
Tubularsock has no problem with criticism only because Tubularsock ALWAYS considers the source of the criticism.
In fact, Tubularsock likes criticism better than praise because it’s more fun. Where can you go with praise but with criticism, well FUCK THEM!
Tubularsock is happy to have people even read his shit ……. even some of the shits that do!
Remember Esme, “Getting someone’s goat won’t turn them into sheep. But if they are powerful may put you on the lam!”
Another wise statement from Tubularsock!
Cheers.
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‘Tubularsock is happy to have people even read his shit ……. even some of the shits that do!’ – Read my reply to Peter’s comment, it seems to fit the theme.
‘Getting someone’s goat won’t turn them into sheep. But if they are powerful may put you on the lam!”‘ – Not if they’re very dead they won’t. Besides which, Esme doesn’t dick about with goats and sheep unless she’s setting them free. A giant squid did ask me once to turn it into a potato, but I said that tater-life is very overrated and ultimately it would have more fun as a squid.
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Just a reminder to that squid, Esme. IT IS more fun than “a tater’s life” UNTIL out comes that tartar sauce!
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Sadly this is so, squids so often get dragged up and butchered for nought more than the whim and taste buds of humans. Vile two-legged beasts that they are.
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I can not imagine how anyone could criticize any of your works. I think such a being must be a soulless demon from a far dimension that has no love or joy. Be well fair cloud riding warrior, you are in our hearts always. Hugs
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Well, that’s one of the nicest comments I’ve ever had Scottie, thank you very much hugs him. ❤ In truth, I’ve never had anything in the way of negative criricism, possibly because of the whole fear of death business, but not everyone is aware of that.
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Kill them, yes. Slowly. Three times.
And now for something funny
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Hahahahahaha, that’s as high a standard of comicness (Troposphere word) as I’d expect from you John, well done that man.
‘Kill them, yes. Slowly. Three times.‘ – It’s worth putting the hours in on the ouija board and 4 year ‘Voodoo for Beginners’ to have the pleasure of doing just that actually.
*not poo
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I don’t think ‘moreso’ is a word. Nor ‘perpetuum’. ‘Narked’ is also somewhat suspect.
…. I tried to find more to criticize, but couldn’t. Sorry. Please don’t condemn me to an enema.
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As Hariod proof read my piece I asked him if he’s like to reply to your accusations and he said:
“Tell him, ‘It’s listed in the OED so take it up with them you fuck!’ Mad face”
Seems reasonable enough. Hahahahaha.
I shan’t force an enema on you Perandtry, it isn’t that kind of party . . . today. Professor Taboo might do though, so keep your eyes peeled!
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I’ve had experience taking things up with the OED. They didn’t end well….
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Nothing up the OED is likely to.
Hahahahaha. I can imagine. But really ‘perpetuum’ is an actual word, I’ve used and read it for many decades, and ‘moreso’ is an accepted version of ‘more-so’. smiles and waves
Esme not a big swinger upon the Cloud
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Oh, you… I was just kidding. I know those are words: but only you would use them 😛
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Well yes, though you’ve met your match is Hariod I suspect, pedant and wind-up-wise, hahahahaha.
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“Then kill them.” I love it! 😱
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Hahahahaha. Thank you. That was the ‘killer’ line for sure!
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Even asking for criticism in a constructive way can open up our inadequacy. It takes courage to face criticism with a learned intent. Scientific review is the best example I can think of, but having someone edit for you can really be a wonderful learning experience. I wrote this haiku recently from some prior experience I had.
Highlighted flaws stare-
Dots em dashes commas glare-
Perfected words’ flow-
Bien hecho Esme nube.
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Oh Jim, that’s as lovely as Scottie’s comment, I’m honoured to have you say so, and you have written wee rhyme for me too!
Thank you very much. I’ll get there eventually nods. Eres muy amable Jimm
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Ah yes. When ego rejects and wars against another ego there’s not much to say in the aftermath. Express it, let it out and put on a metaphorical soothing bandage. These are the wounds that heal when we allow them to 💕
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Very true Val, and there are wounds we need to endure in what is sometimes a battle of being. Scars are useful. Especially if you have a bad memory. nods
Thank you for your words dearie. ❤
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Love the expression and expletives …. Sending a metaphorical bandage and gentle hug 💛🙏💛
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I quite thoroughly agree with you, Esme. Here’s a snippet from Merlyn found and reported by White:
“…you may see the world around you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds…”
Ce jeu de merde et putain de merde.
Then, there is this:
https://www.art.com/products/p15063648224-sa-i6852750/michael-shaw-j-amuse-new-yorker-cartoon.htm
And, thank you so much for your delightful wit, jest and verve 🙂
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You’re very welcome Bill, and thank you for the chuckles – trucs très drôles.
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Lots of comments, thanks emanates as though rays of the sun, I shall get back to you all as soon as is feasible, please bear with. esme blowing them all a big wet kiss that’s almost a raspberry – E.C
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Their loss
Unless
Perchance
They have the wit
To suggest or advise
(Though the latter
Is a little over ballful
Is it not?)
Something helpful
I which case
Time to bow
Gracefully
And revise
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Lovely wee poetic answer from you there Ben, thank you!
Positive criticism is a boon, a necessity really, and one can learn a great deal from people who give honest feedback. It’s those who drag the rug from under one’s feet, who revel in tearing people down a few hundred pegs that need really watching. Everything else should be taken with a gulp and a spoon of sugar and ingested. nods
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Waving back. 🙂
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Dearest and most gossamery Esme: he who criticizes a harmless cloud will soon wish he had brought an umbrella and galoshes.
Speaking personally (and at times subjunctively), I can vouch for being largely immune to criticism from any quarter. In fact, I typically regale my detractors (mostly pock-faced academics) with a gentle flick of the hand, as though swatting dung-seeking flies. My bonhomie in this area is legendary; never once have I suggested that a lazy, unlettered person, when posing unconvincingly as a critic, be dropped in a vat of highly corrosive acid. And whereas a chink of light might stream through the oeil-de-boeuf window in my cell, vindictive sentiments do not easily enter my highly disciplined mind, though I pity the rodent that has the misfortune of defaming my notebook with its disdainful, shouldn’t-there-be-a-comma-here claws.
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They’ll also get a wellington boot up the rear end.
‘Dearest and most gossamery Esme’ – Lovely, this starts well and ends the same way as Esme is gossamery indeed, for she is related (distantly mind, her hair being the only similarity thanks folks) to Gossamer, the infamous (or rarely heard of) beast.
I’m a huge fan of your bonhomie Prospero; to behold it is to love it, and it is of a scale that beggars belief. – hears Matty weeping, wishing his own was so impressive and hands him a few Kleenex
Thank you for all those words in that very order, few could manage it, of that I’m sure.
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I kind of agree with – say – with submission rejections – to retain the humility, of course.. We all say that, always. Don’t spray shit at the postman as they say in Finland. But I did bust last week. It was a small comedy site, I don’t actually know, they might be massive. But he’d replied nicely (3x) – with his rejection of my three [they were] flawed stories.
My ‘mistake’ was to respond/exclaim – words to the effect – in my last e-mail – ‘By God, I can’t find a single comedy/humorous website/magazine in the entire world. I hate these ‘articles.’ Surely if I found just one, just one, I would stay forever and be a loyal reader…’ I mean I really can’t find the outlets. And I can’t fix on the arch, or twatish, humour of McSweeney’s for example. Possibly I’m not bright enough? Or the Satirist. They should be gripping, you’d think so 😦
I felt bad about my response, obviously a fool who burned a bridge for no reason – he’d asked for a shorter version of one story. But by then I really hated his ‘articles.’ Later, my wife with her business head on her shoulders (I think so) – she said, ‘no, no, it’s feedback…how else can they improve?’
So, I shouldn’t have done it, s’pose..
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‘Don’t spray shit at the postman as they say in Finland’ A fine Finnish way to finish wisely. I get your reaction, but aye, bridge-burning isn’t ideal, not unless you have so many bridges you can afford to burn some of those literary ones down regardless. Wifey is right (as ever). You should write out your responses, to everything ever, be they literary based or otherwise, in an email draft and then let it stew in its own vinegar for at least 24hrs. If you still want to send it press go (do not pass or collect £200). It might still be a mistake, a regreter, but at least you’ll know it wasn’t an impulsive one. It’s tricky, because one tends to want to come back with a sharp come back straight off the bat. But it’s really worth the discipline. You should keep battering on the doors out there, whether slammed in your cheeky face or not because you have talent Matty, you need a beta reader, a proofer, another eye that is in the know as a reader and writer themselves, tie yourself to a chair, get gagged and take on any suggestions. My letters have improved a great deal (modesty mare) since I’ve worked on that which was already written (and beyond) with someone in this role. I also have around 5 beta readers for apparently finished pieces. It isn’t easy to take, but you don’t have to change everything. If more than one person reads a piece and says ‘This doesn’t work for me, do you mean this?’ or the like, it’s worth considering a rejig. Still your letters, just in a different order. I know you’re a wild wee beastie, like a blond Tasmanian devil who used to surf when he was a youngster, but you’re also too good to not do this. Make it better and better, carve it again and again. Howl at the replies, the turndowns (not trousers that’s up). You know someone asked for a shorter version of that piece, so try and compact it. You don’t need send it back to them (probably not a great idea now anyway), but it may well prove a worthy exercise and produce another piece that you can send elsewhere.
A lot of words for a Sunday morning for wee Esme.
Thank you for the words here dearie.
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So I was supposed to kill critic, AFTER, I made them devour the contents of my enema…Damn. This is going to be awkward. I really need to read the instructions before I do stuff. Thanks Esme!
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Easy mistake to make Jammer, and Esme for one will not be criticising you for the error, otherwise . . .
Hahahahaha.
Thank you for coming and reading, and leaving words, I very much appreciate it.
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Always happy to. I need to try and respond more.
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I feel you there, I’m a slow bonobo at that malarkey, but eventually, I get there and that’s the main thing laughs.
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