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'The first draft of anything is shit.' ~ E.Hemingway, “I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning and took out a comma.In the afternoon I put it back again.”-Oscar Wilde, come pull my strings, comedy, Elementary my dear, erudite alright, grammar, humourous, imagination, in a manner of speaking, It's alive . . .It's alive!, Mine I tell you all mine!, Nobody's Perfect Kid, Present Perfect, Proof reading whilst Rome Burns, Shpellink Shlipsh, Stop making sense, The Cleaner, Tis an affliction (misses)
A boon to beg for;
Services please.
Psst—you may need a wrench and sledge hammer.
Delete erring capitals;
Close parentheses, do;
I want you to reshape my grammar.
Plump up the beast
That do maketh my prose;
All dangling modifiers rephrase.
Insert some Em—Dashes
Until the point glows;
One must be precise dear,
These days.
Make the beat of its heart
As strong as Macbeth’s!
Implant suitable hyphens,
And commas.
Provide plausible pauses . . .
. . . with lovely big breaths
To ensure all my fides
Are bonas.
Send all split infinitives
Fleeing in fright,
And fix healthy colons in place:
Slip a semi within
—if the mood is just right.
Add apostrophes
Positioned with grace.
But hang on just a mo,
You’re too good at your job;
The words are all yours now
Not mine.
Blast all your F-stops
You effing great snob!
Only kidding dear—
Do pass the whine wine.
Well I have to admit I am in the state of confusion, but I have lived here for some years. 🙂 I may not understand but I do know what I like. Ilike Esme and all on her cloud. Hugs
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Hello Scottie – smiles broadly – I’m afraid this is one of esme’s more gibbering poems that swings from tree to tree then bounces off the walls whilst nattering about editing and proof reading a writer’s work. It escaped esme’s brain late last night and was last seen pegging it off the Cloud looking messy. Seems to have ended up here. Hahahahaha. Thank you for your words and for visiting the crazy lady in the sky.
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There’s nothing wrong with a split infinitive!
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Painful mind you, though you can get cream from the doctor that helps I hear.
= esme laughing and waving at Alastair upon the Cloud
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Yeah, there ain’t nuffink wrong wiv ’em nor double negatives neever.
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I wish I could have slipped one in to the poem H, but try as I might, it would not fit. Awkward buggers they are.
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This is so clever, so very Esme — witty, saucy, cute and acute. It’s quite perfectly formed and truly a wonderful little poem, it seems to me. Many congratulations Esme.
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P.S. Fabulous tags! 🙂
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Hahahahaha. Not everyone bothers with them I know, but I like choosing them as much as writing the piece sometimes. They’re usually the first few things that pop into my head in connection with a few choice quotes/lyrics tucked in. When I had the other theme, I could make each one into a link that led folks onwards and outwards to further pastures, but I think ultimately that would become a pain in the bum and a bit annoying. For me having to do the links anyway. Hahahahaha.
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I’ve often clicked on them only to be returned to the same piece, so I no longer do that — but I always read them and wonder where you get them from. At the risk of looking stupid, can I ask you, did Hemmingway really say that?
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He absolutely did. I do not post any quotes attributed without believing them to be true, unless they are complete fabrications purely for my own and the reader’s amusement that is wot I made up.
Hahahahaha. He did though.
Often they are plucked out of the air, and really are more of as condiments at the side of the main dish.
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Your tags are all that Hariod says. However, if I may suggest, sprinkle them with a keyword or three throughout, such as poem or poetry or whatever fits in a single word or two to the content. Thereby you’ll share these nuggets of pleasantry with more WP readers.
These seemingly insignificant tags make it easier for the consumers and searchers and engines alike of higher literature to find your pearls and similar jewels. And they’ll group like together with one click. I think then after a time you’ll find your readership swelling to numbers beyond computation. It has puzzled me oft why Esme doesn’t have tens, nay hundreds of thousands of followers and me thinks this may be the reason.
I understand you are not so vain as seek higher numbers for the sake of conceit. But understand too that vanity is a fine thing in moderation, and there is the world out there starved of Esme’s wit. “And be warned, you should not deny the masses the Feast of Words, lest the Gods and Scroungers of Literature and Poetry lay their wrath upon you and your words can find no ear.” –A saying from the Book of Peter
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I’d completely forgotten about the true use of tags until you wrote this . . . You see originally, I didn’t want any followers, any attention, indeed anything atball beyond a virtual space to experiment in quietly and see what happened, fully expecting to power up the Cloud and bugger off as soon as anyone said anything unfavourable. But no one ever did. I used/use the tags as part of the poem/tale, like an installation of sorts, or a jaunty scarf to add to a fine cloak. It tickes me to do so, adds to the piece interest-wise, (for myself at least), and back then ensured no one would ever find me through a tag. Hahahaha. But as you say, perhaps I need a rethink.
Esme does have some followers now, but the idea of thousands makes her green at the gills, then again the Idea of ten did the same and she’s still alive and everything. There is the book in the offing, but . . . I don’t want to whip up a readership, though I’m supposed to. Then again I would like some people to read it, and they’ll have the buy the bugger because I’m not giving it away for free, nor shall it be found for 99p on Amazon, thank you very much and don’t slam the door on your way out. (Not you Peter, I meant Amazon and 99p.)
What I would like is to find more people who enjoy the Cloud, like H, your good self, Matty, Em n Em (MM), Michael, Swarn, Prof T, Prospero, Bela . . . I’m not naming everyone, they’re all out there – waves – but you get the gist (or so rumour has it), people who love wordage to a point where they get esme and her odd way with letters, and also aren’t humongous gits. So I shall go back and add some normal words to the tag lists, ones that might make people come here, and see what they make of it. A hat might be nice. smiles broadly.
Thank you for this Peter, it’s good advice and I’m seriously very touched that you think I should have more folks interested because the experience of esme and her Cloud is one worthwhile. I hold ‘The Book of Peter’ and any of his wordage in high regard, so your thoughtfulness here means a great deal.
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It means a lot that you like it because of all those I know on WP, you are one of the few who knows his peas and queues perfectly. It popped up yesterday morning and wouldn’t let me go until ’twas finished nigh on midnight. I’m spending most of my spare time working on the book and editing all that, so often going over old ground, to have something new elbow itself to the front of the house and start singing feels very good, but all the better for words such as yours above. Thank you Hariod!
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Thankyou Esme; it’s just one of those pieces that seems to work perfectly in all respects. It must be tough working with a proofreader on your book. We tend to regard all those novels we read and all those albums we listen too as not having been surveyed by others prior to their release or publication. But of course it isn’t so, and we’d perhaps all be a bit disappointed to see the raw drafts or to hear the demos — unless of course we appreciate that for the artist it’s the creative process that’s paramount, and not the final bit of tedious polishing. On a cheeky note, then if I were your proofreader I might have suggested placing the colon after “colons” rather than “place”, but then that’s the autocrat in me. H ❤
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You’re very kind Hariod. – looks chuffed to bits
I find the proofreading process like wrestling a bear in a children’s paddling pool filled with orange-flavoured jelly; it’s slippery, dangerous for all involved, and at times descends into pure madness, but at the end of the day you have one hell of a story on your hands.
Sadly my proofreader is in an asylum for the criminally insane and I have to humour her as best I can to get any sense or help at all. She committed every single crime dressed from the waist up as Agatha Christie, and the waist down as Max Wall at the peak of his career, and the things she’ll do for a slice of lemon drizzle cake beggars belief.
I appreciate your thoughts on the placement of the colon. It’s staying where it is mind you.
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Superb raspberry! 🙂
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She’s great isn’t she?! Enjoying herself immensley by the looks of it. Hahahahaha
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Nothing wrong with a healthy colon as it obviates the need for obnoxiously effective colonic irrigation, a brusque syntactic realignment of intestine–and to unflinchingly cavil at unenhanced regularity is no more than a hair-splitting grammatic gaucherie.
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You smooth talker you. – laughs – The colon. I’m no fan of the irrigation business, by George and his brother Gordon (of Bennett fame) no, but I heard tell that some engage in such undertaking for pleasure, or relief I suppose — the two often seem to arrive hand in hand (not George and Gordon, though they were twins and often would sit with their big toes slightly touching, particularly when the vicar came to tea) pleasure and relief.
An unusual organ is the colon – plays trumpet involuntary briefly – and one humans can live relatively well without, though it can make for a more worrying time generally, living without one I mean. Still, some have more than enough like on chap many moons ago known only as ‘Balloon Man’ or ‘The Human Windbag’.
He was a circus sideshow performer billed under both those monikers, and has a part of himself on permanent display in the Mütter Museum. A grotesquely enlarged colon and severe constipation gave the poor man an over-sized and unusually shaped abdomen. While he made his unusual appearance into his occupation, his affliction ultimately killed him before he even reached the age of 30. An autopsy of the circus performer found his colon contained 40 pounds of feces at the time of his death. The colon, which is on display, measures an incredible 8 feet in length and 27 inches in circumference.
And here it is, set to music for reasons that are unfathomable to esme, but out there all the same.
Thank you for the visit dear Propsero, always a pleasure to have you aboard the Cloud.
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Great music — reminds me of György Ligeti. 🙂
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This one by him features the Cloud as well!
Reminds me of 2001: A Space Odyssey’s soundtrack in parts.
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Just gorgeous. That’s featured in Kubrick’s The Shining. His other works are featured in 2001 ASO, so you made a sound connection there. His grave:
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Aha!! I said ‘The Shining’ outloud just after I thought of 2001 ASO! The film score music is often overlooked but by the Gods and medium sized dogs they can make or break a film I reckon.
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Naturally I have too tender a constitution to watch such a spectacle, even if it were to be accompanied by Der fliegende Holländer or some such opera, as I have had occasion to be commandeered by newsreels on apparently docile subjects–for instance of the unveiling of this or that Turner Prize winning entry–which have turned my stomach.
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You are a sensitive soul dear Wiz, and one that tickles esme considerably.
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Ha.. love the walk through punctuation here… I like my ellipsis best
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The Three Dots of Doom! Hahahaha, me too.
Thanks for the visit Björn, I’m really pleased you enjoyed your wander – smiles a wide smile
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I love that you worked Em Dash into this–just for me?! 😉
My oldest is preparing for his college entrance exams and studying erudite grammar rules, which apparently help discern who deserves the “best” post-secondary schooling. Thankfully his mother is helping him close some gaps (this post will be required homework!)
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But of course! Esme weaves all her readers into her poems and stories one way or another — and here you are! laughs
Good luck to your eldest, I have no doubt whatsoever that by the end of it the two of you will know far more than I do at this present moment grammar-wise hahahaha.
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Wondrous wordplay, Esme! This from a Gemini grammar queen, no less. I like your fides being bonas, myself 😉 xo
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Thank you Bela! I’m pleasing both of you then – laughs. As ever, it was only after the fact that I realised the double meaning of my bonas there. None will believe it, but it is quite true and I’d swear upon Rosie’s being on it. This happens quite a lot, but I’m always happy enough about it in the end mind you hahahahaha.
It’s a huge compliment receiving these kind compliments from such a fine worderess (troposhere word) as yourself
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🙂 That was my favorite part as well!!
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In that I have been accused of being a Grammar Nazi, would you mind if I repost? giving all credit you, my dear, of course! 🙂
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Mind? I think I’ve only had one repost in the past three years! Of course you can! – Laughs a lot – and thank you very much for both asking and wanting to Lonestar. – beams
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you threw me off scent here. I am not much into grammar and such but do love to chew on a good boon (that’s what you call a bone in Dutch according to those who know). Benji.
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Ha, if you say it with a Scottish accent it sounds like ‘boon’ actually.
Thank you for stopping by Benji, give Anarette a sticky bun and a pat on the head from esme and Rosie.
esme and Rosie getting boon-tastic upon the Cloud
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Turns out mom had a temporary brainfart, boon means bean not bone in Dutch… I do love green beans too… Benji.
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Beans are better than bones anyway, and provide Rosie with the kind of wind power that could run a generator powering a whole town’s electricity for a year after eating them.
Rosie wagging her tail in an attempt to diffuse the situation with esme upon the Cloud
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Haha, wagging my tail while in a new dug tunnel underground. I am well on my way to China. I like the wind power idea. We in our household try to be more sustainable and that would certainly help. Benji.
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I have to agree with Hariod, as is often the case, it is “so very clever … witty, saucy, cute and acute.”
I did struggle for a moment trying to figure out how “lovely big breasts” fit into the poem until I re-read.
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I struggle trying to figure out how to fit them into some of my jumpers at times, so I feel your pain there Peter. – falls about
“I have to agree with Hariod, as is often the case, it is “so very clever . . . witty, saucy, cute and acute.”” – Thank you for saying so good sir!!
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This is a lovely tribute to your proof readers’s editing services. I am sure he appreciates it. lol
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LOL…I see you are just in a blaze of corrections and being corrected, as I am being corrected for the inspiration of your poem. It was clever nonetheless and I am glad that syntax and grammar could inspire such graceful poetry. 🙂
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Ja, well…writer guy sound idiot to my eye. For me, I send Pig poem plus somethingother poem to StandupTragedy becas of Esme guiding in my English shit, man, so thank you, Essy, I think is. Not good submission. For sure, I posted them cowboy story…before, you know and their UK blog has lesser reader on than my own UN blog passport (0-1). I going back, copy/paste more blog entries, cry a more often again, then will change order way round That is how [writer a/my novel.]
I interested your poem message but jumper informastion, too much information, a damaging idea for tender people
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This kind of business can get someone a smacked arse I hope you know Matty, then you’ll have something to cry about!
(For those not in the know, Matty is an excellent writer who plays with words* in a fantastical manner, and has no truck, van, or even unicycle with much in the way of rules when laying said letters down, and much like e.e.cummings, he pulls it off perfectly. (has the bouncers escort three people out just for the look on their faces) – People don’t follow links, so I’m not leaving one, instead, in a soon to come post (not the next one, I have a thingymadoodad almost finished for that, but soon enough), I shall repost a huge slab of him right here on the Cloud to show how shiny he is. –Sees his eyes widen and hands Matty a paper bag to breathe into which has just been filled with the smoke from a small but powerful bong (not a potato one, a good one). He looks very happy afterwards and sings the Captain Pugwash theme for her, despite the original having no actual words )
*and crayons
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Matty, my dear old thing, just saying quickly before I get pulled off by Esme’s bouncers — excellent observations!
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Night night babes, work in morning. If I get excited will write something after, I hope so x
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‘Babes’ – buddies in general, my buddy ‘mates.’ Not only you Esme, ‘babes’ is not my special Esme word for Esme, that would be, only saying for clarification
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HAHAHAHAHA
Good job, Hariod would have been devastated.
esme (cloud etc) tickled by this and waving at Matty’s misses who has a rolling pin in her mitt.
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Me too. Hope you do that is. smiles
esme ‘pon Cloud sending an x back in a denim rucksack carried on the back of a very furry yet speedy moth
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