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Usage of the word bollocks – 14th Century (Origin of bollock – Middle English ballok from Old English beallucas testicles; see bhel-2 in Indo-European roots)

As some will know the above word has been employed by Esme in some of her stories and she also bandies it about like no-one’s business in comments, and, having recently seen some talk of the word across the aether, and thinking on, here is a list of specific meanings and phrases from round her way (points round the bend and back) which have said word within so that she may be comprehended better in parts of the universe who know not what she’s on about:

1. Bollocks – On it’s own a simple yet effective sentiment of dismay and exasperation that takes the place of ‘Oh darn it’ or ‘Shoot’ – eg – ‘I parked my time machine in the space time continuum and now it’s been towed – bollocks.

2. The dog’s bollocks – The bestest thing ever, really impressive. (Also known as ‘The bollocks’) eg – ‘Mary’s new teeth are the dog’s bollocks’

3. A bollocking – Being severely told off for poor behaviour. – eg – ‘Me mam gave me a proper bollocking for saying bollocks to her.’

4. Bollocks to it/Bollocks I will – I will not do that which you have asked of me – eg – ‘Will you take me to the cinema one evening this week dear William?’ – ‘Bollocks I will’.

5. That’s bollocks/You’re talking bollocks – That’s nonsense (Also see – ‘a load of old bollocks’) – eg – ‘What you have relayed is highly entertaining, but bollocks never-the-less’

6. To drop a bollock – Make a huge mistake. eg ‘Larry meant to send his girlfriend his dick pics but sent them to his mum instead- he really dropped a bollock there’

7. Utter bollocks – Serious lies, on a Trump scale – eg – ‘I have a good feeling about the apocalypse and all the dead people piling up, I really think the wind will blow away all the germs and radiation, and have heard great things about swallowing razor blades to get rid of The Black Death.’

8. It’s a bag of bollocks – Unimpressed at goods presented/purchased (added disbelief with an exclamation mark) – eg – ‘You call this a candy-floss maker? It’s a bag of bollocks!’

9. You haven’t got the bollocks – Lacking strength of character or a gutless wonder – eg – ‘Walk across that tightrope suspended across the Grand canyon covered in cooking oil wearing naught but a thong? You haven’t got the bollocks mate’ (side note – using the word ‘mate’ adds a useful amount of extra emphasis if needed.)

10. Never mind the bollocks – Stop talking rubbish and get your act together – eg – ‘Oi, never mind the bollocks and go get your gran from the Bingo Hall.’

11. A sour bollocks – A person who is no fun at all and usually mean with it – (also comes under ‘Face like a slapped arse’) – (see Ghengis Khan and Katie Hopkins)

12. I’m bolloxed – (note the change of spelling which is important but pertains to the same word) Hammered, drunk, stoned etc – eg ‘I’m bolloxed off my tits from sniffing magic markers.

13. It’s bolloxed – (see no.12 for spelling) It’s broken mate (also known as ‘It’s got the dick’) – eg – ‘That rather spiffing penny farthing you gave me for Christmastide has wonky wheels and the seat fell off, it’s bolloxed’.

14. Stark bollock naked – Nudey nude like a streaker (movement is not required to qualify) – eg – ‘I tell you he was running down Market Street singing ‘Welcome to My World ’ stark bollock naked; one old lady had a stroke, two others couldn’t reach.’

I hope that’s cleared things up nicely beams a smile out If anyone has any extra alternative definitions that do not fit within the above parameters do add them in the comment section.