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I recently read an article that was somewhat entertaining and so shall proceed to nick its theme and twist it for my own gains  — mwahahaha etc

Said theme concerned sayings, odd phrases that people realised when they grew older, into adulthood, were only ever actually used in their own childhood homes, by their own family. Once posted on the world wide web however, interestingly enough many found out that their sayings were almost exactly the same in other countries, so there were for instance German or French equivalents.

Here’s an example –  one person wrote –

‘When I would stand in front of the TV and my mom couldnt see, she would always say: Your father is not a glassmaker!’ –  Meaning I wasnt see-through and would have to move.’

A reply said: ‘Funny, my father would say the exact same thing, only in German (Dein Vater ist kein Glaserer!)’

For myself, the Cloud’s version of this was ‘You make a better door than a window.’ 

So here are some from my own experience, followed by others from the article; feel free to join in by way of comments, I’m curious to hear the sayings of your parents, grandparents and the like from all countries.

Esme’s offerings . . . 

‘What time is it dad?’ Answer: ‘Half-past me garter, and twice round me leg’

If a teenager developed spots – ‘You look like Spotty Muldoon!’

If someone kept a parent waiting – ‘And she had me sat there like I was waiting for Piffy!’

Whilst talking about something earnestly (or not) you are interrupted by a parent yawning loudly in your face saying ‘Yeah, yeah, I had one but the wheel fell off’.

A child says something they deem amusing, the parent replies – ‘You’re funny, but ya face beats ya.’

Father looks serious, child asks ‘What’s wrong dad?’ Father answers ‘I’ve got a bone in my leg’ in such a serious tone the child is scared shitless and likely cries.

A parent congratulating their child for being clever – ‘You’re not as green as you’re cabbage looking.’

Esme beams, her cabbage and sprout days behind her now

Some from the page here, follow:

Younger Me: “Dad I don’t want to walk downstairs at night. It’s too dark.” Dad: “There’s no monsters. We can’t afford monsters.”

As a kid whenever I would say ‘I don’t know what to wear!’ my Grandma would say ‘Put a raisin in your belly button and go as a cookie’

Esme finds this one particularly amusing

Growing up my working-class English mum used to cheerfully call me Lizzie from the Boneyard, especially if I was being sort of grubby or rascally. My name is not Elizabeth. One day I finally asked her why she called me that. She wondered for a minute and said “I don’t know, it’s what my mum used to call me.”One day we visited grandma in the home, and asked her why she used to call my mum – Sue – Lizzie from the Boneyard. “I don’t know,” said Grandma, whose name was Brenda. “It’s what my mum used to call me!”

“She’s got an arse like a harvest frog.” From my Irish Grandad. I still don’t know what it means, though I do know it wasn’t a compliment.

“Better to be safe than a sardine.”

My French brother in law cracked up when we went into a grocery store the first time. It said “No pets allowed.” He said it was French slang for farts. Now when someone farts, we tell them “No pets allowed.”

Please feel free to share your own parent’s quirks folks.


(On a slightly different slant Esme recalls vividly having to convince someone she knew very well that the many hedges in front of suburban houses were called ‘privets’. He absolutely believed it was a word I’d just made up to mock him. I was aghast he had never heard of privets and so began to mock him. There is a lesson to be learned in there, but not by Esme.)