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“Being drunk is a good disguise. I drink so I can talk to assholes. This includes me.” - Jim Morrison, Charles Baudelaire, Drink feck arse girls - Father Jack, Esme is fine folks - this is fiction - glugs at the turps, Humour, I've danced 'til dawn with splintered shins Full of Pimms full of Pimms, Is the text too small on these posts? Tell me if so, notes after inhabiting a kidney, Prose
Last Orders, Please.
The kidneys, hunkered within lie slumped over one another, all ‘Woe is me’, arching their sepia sickening backs and weeping, despite the dusky liver, in truth, having far more to berate itself for; yet, after every single malt binge of dutiful 45 proof, from eager early evening through the fatted depths of night, past dawn flashing her tawdry wares till 10am on the screaming blind dot, up, up it crawls, the ignoble jecur — bruised, battered, sometimes (by the Gods) actually fucking bleeding — rising, elevated to its fullest height staring sclerosis dead, I say point-blank dead in the eye, staggering swagger in tow . . . then on it carries, shadow boxing mortality, giving not one shiny, solitary shit about tomorrow’s dissed grace.
Hero of the hour.
Last orders, please.
(This is an ode from the body to the brain after taking notes upon its experience of solid boozing. There is swearing involved, *but I can’t censor organs.)
**falls about*.
All we who overguzzle thank
You for this tale of organs dank.
You do a service to remind
Us of the harm booze leaves behind.
I’m sure my liver, could it speak,
Would damn me for a fool, and weak.
Perhaps this time I can stand fast
And stop self-poisoning at last.
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It’s all a bit too much fun for that. Hahahahahaha.
An ace poem to grace this Cloud received with many thanks Infidel – small round of applause follows
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As for drink …… If you are still standing at the end of the evening you haven’t completed the evening!
On the other hand, hugging the toilet bowl with your face down in it is rather a bad look, even in a tux!
Tubularsock has learned the hard way not to ever drink mixed drinks. They taste so good but there is the hidden danger. One can lose count.
A couple of doubles of Wild Turkey neat (101 proof) is all Tubularsock needs. And still can even count to two when finished.
It is also a Covid cure. Trust Tubularsock on this, Cloud!
Cheers and a happy new year!
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True, drink mixing can be perilous, time is a cruel mistress to prove this to be the case hahahahaha. 101 proof, my god, you’re flammable after that!
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I shant abandon my #1 coping mechanism for this American and Texas life I am imprisoned within! NO! NEVER! OVER MY DEAD DRUNK-ARSE HAPPY BODY! 😈
Cheers Esmeralda! 🍻🥂
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‘One should always be drunk. That’s all that matters; that’s our one imperative need. So as not to feel Time’s horrible burden that breaks your shoulders and bows you down, you must get drunk without ceasing.
But what with? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you choose. But get drunk.
And if, at some time, on the steps of a palace, in the green grass of a ditch, in the bleak solitude of your room, you are waking up when drunkenness has already abated, ask the wind, the wave, a star, the clock, all that which flees, all that which groans, all that which rolls, all that which sings, all that which speaks, ask them what time it is; and the wind, the wave, the star, the bird, the clock will reply: ‘It is time to get drunk! So that you may not be the martyred slaves of Time, get drunk; get drunk, and never pause for rest! With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you choose!’ – Charles Baudelaire
I’ve loved that poem since I first read it in my early twenties.
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Why I cannot drink! Dammit!
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Ahhh, yes, I know more than one person in the same position, I shall raise my glass for you my dear. x
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Haha! Yes! 😘
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I stopped drinking years ago after I realised my awful sinus headaches were caused by my beverage of choice. Now a thimble of shiraz is about all I can manage. -sigh-
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Depending on the type of alcohol it can affect me for days afterwards, very grim. Wine of any kind murders my joints, along with dark spirits (puts on her devil horns) and beer. Vodka and Gin are alright but I don’t like them falls about. I’ve whittled it down to Pimms at present which I can survive without anything more than a normal person’s hangover. It’s a science experiment beams
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Ugh….:( I commiserate with you my friend. The body can be a real spoil sport sometimes.
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Arthur: “What’s so unpleasant about being drunk?”
Ford: “Ask a glass of water.”
– Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
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Perfect.
I have two of the original hand drawn animation cels by Rod Lord: one of The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal and the other is The Babel Fish. Lovely chap, sent a really funny, thoughtful Christmas and New Year message out too. I’m saying this because you’re one of the few people who will appreciate the joy they give me – beams and waves her towel
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Wow, original Rod Lord cels? You’re such a hoopy frood, Esme!
I rarely have much success when I try to add images to comments (I have never grokked why they sometimes work but more often not); here’s another attempt. At the very least it should render as a link…
Share and enjoy!
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That’s very kind of you to say so sir. I wish I could add images from my computer, it’s the hand drawn image before colouring, though I do have a couloured stamped print of this too
This is his website
http://www.rodlord.com/pages/hhgg.htm#
I went to the live reunion tour in 2012, it was great, all the original actors on stage using old style radio microphones and scripts whilst acting it out.
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I bet that was fun 🙂
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Beautifully written, and quite a challenge to make such a lengthy sentence run smoothly; so it is that I offer my congratulations on both counts, Esme. Skilful usage of those dashed em dashes and oh-so-slippery ellipses helps, of course . . . (just kidney ya).
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Thank you dear Hariod, dash them all! Bottoms up eh?
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I love this! Very relateable (unfortunately).
Anyway, as you may have noticed, I’ve just spammed your blog with a bunch of “likes”. I’ll get around to commenting on a few more of them soon, too. But just wanted to say that I really enjoy the way you write! I notice that you’re in the process of writing a book? Or maybe you’ve finished it at the time of me writing this. I’ve decided to follow your blog, anyway, as I want to write a novel ( or maybe a screenplay…but whatever) and find that I’m more motivated and inspired to do so if I surround myself ( or my internet self) with people doing what I want to do. It shows that it’s possible, y’know? Reminds me not to give up before I’ve even begun.
I also quickly want to add: Thanks so much for having a squizz at my own blog. I won’t be offended if you never look at it again, but if you do ever get curious, know that it is not – for reasons beyond my ken- accessible by clicking my gravatar icon in the comments section. ( it’s bloody annoying, and I don’t know how to change it!). But for reasons also beyond my ken, it CAN be accessed via the gravatar icon when I simply “like” something.
Sorry for the long rambly comment. Having said that, I’ll be back to make more of the same soon…haha!
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Hello my new cloudster hands over the ceremonial sticky bun of power, tinsel crown and tin foil trilby hat I’m very pleased you enjoy my penning Noir. What do I call you? Noir? I’m happy to call anyone anything they like (no holds barred yet many bars propped up). I’ve sent a request to follow your blog as I can’t get back in through your avatar! the goose flies at midnight and all that beams I like long rambling comments, it’s one of my own superpowers. I’m only able to access my own site sporadically at present as I said, but eventually that will change. I always look up people who comment to see what they’re about and I enjoyed yours enough to follow straight away, however my mobile wouldn’t let me follow even though there was a follow button. We’ll get there.
Esme throwing a sticky bun Noir’s way from upon her Cloud
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Ah, what a lovely response 🙂 I appreciate the sticky bun! ( and the new sparkly head gear).
Yes, you can call me Noir, or Noircotic, or any fun version of those that take your fancy!
Unfortunately I encounter those same problems re: the “follow” function all the time. I always have trouble with that- especially when I go specifically to the person’s page. It’s annoying, because it’s always so much nicer to read people’s stuff there; it always looks so much nicer than it does in the WordPress Reader. Alas; it seems that my “likes” and “follows” only register when I make them via aforementioned Reader! Grrr.
I just read your comment saying that you’d finally been able to access my blawg. Yay! Sorry it’s so hard to get to. Thank you so much for checking it out. I’m very happy that you like it, as your blog here is one of the most interesting and creative ones I’ve stumbled upon in a while!
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Of course I tried again and got in straight away. Such is sod’s law. I’ll have more of a gander your way when free. beams
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